Siblings That Get Along

Having 5 kids sometimes lends itself to others thinking we've got lots of answers to some of parentings hardest questions. Well, considering that our oldest is about to turn 9 (which in the grand scheme of parenting is still very young) let me be the first to say we have much to learn.

But that doesn't stop people from asking me what to do about various things that come up. I used to be very hesitant to answer. However, The Holy Spirit began convicting me about my hesitance. Titus 2 clearly states that the older are to teach the younger and while I may not like to admit it...

I am becoming the older.

So I thought I would share one question we get a lot. Sibling rivalry. This is one area that any family with more than one child is going to encounter. We feel very strongly that our kids need to get along and the Lord has allowed our efforts to yield results. But make no mistake, it may be us doing the work here, but it is the Holy Spirit that works in their little hearts.

In short what I tell people when asked "How do you get your kids to get along so well?" is:

We make them.

On of our house rules is we will not treat friends at school better than we treat our brothers and sisters.

I started noticing this when I would pull up in car line and see my kids chatting with their friends...laughing...high fiving...hanging out of the car window waving and shouting goodbye. But then we would buckle up to head home and the bickering would begin. All trying to talk to me at once and yelling at each other to move over and be quiet. Or one would tell on the other for getting in trouble that day before the guilty one even had a chance to fess up.

It would often result in weeping and yelling.

And the kids would cry sometimes too.

No seriously, it made for a very unpleasant ride home. Praise God it's a short ride.

We started really talking about how they were treating each other.

We started looking to see what the Bible says.

We started praying.

And we started telling them they were each others best friends.

Now, don't get the idea that there is always peace on Team Babetz. We do have a house full of normal kids.

There is the typical fussing about who gets to play the video game first...

The boys don't like to watch "girly" movies on movie nights...

The race toward the ringing phone that occasionally ends in a collision...

And for those type of things we say, "you have to work it out." And the thing is, no one gets to play the video game until an agreement has been reached. And no one gets to watch a movie until they come to a unanimous decision. And the phone will go to voice mail before they agree on who's going to get it. So it works.

But we do draw the line at general unkindness. If you are spoken too...you must respond. There is no bragging of any kind. There is no complaining if one gets to do something and the others don't. We do not hold grudges. If one has set up a Lego city, a doll house, a 50 Matchbox car pile up, a fort...the others can not destroy it just for the fun of it. We do not make fun of each other. That is not to say we don't laugh at/with each other, but never to the point of being hurtful.

It really all boils down to:

I Cor. 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.