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For years, I'd say the past decade, I have prayed about one specific thing. Well, I've prayed for lots of things, but one thing consistently.
For a certain circumstance to change in my family. For God to make things better.
You know, change things to be more like I want.
But He hasn't.
In fact, over the last decade things have gotten worse.
That is certainly not what I wanted.
But I continued to pray. And wrestle. And occasionally pitch a fit. And finally...
I got angry.
Angry at God for not making things the way I wanted. After all I wasn't asking for anything huge. Nothing is huge for God anyway.
Why? Why has He chosen not to answer? Or, even worse, to answer by making things harder.
That is how I spent a good portion of the last year.
Angry.
I don't recommend it.
So what changed you ask?
My attitude.
I realized, or rather God taught me, to look at things differently.
I remember a long time ago a friend of mine, who was struggling with fear, watched one of her children fall off their second story deck. As she was running to find her child, she began praying. Not that the Lord would protect her little one from broken bones or worse. But that He would give her the measure of grace needed to deal with what she found. She said that was when she knew God was at work in her life to conquer her fear.
While I was praying about this coming year God brought that story back to my mind.
And so...
I choose to enter into this year praying for grace.
Not change.
Grace to accept what I find.
Daily.
My circumstances haven't changed. They may never change.
But I am confident that God will give me my measure of grace for each day.
He said He would...
2 Cor. 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
I can't do it. My sinful nature wants change.
I am weak.
He is strong...
For me.
And in case you're wondering. God did protect my friends little one. It was fall and he landed in a pile of leaves.
Amazing Grace.
5 comments:
Thank you for sharing!
Stephanie, my sweet friend, you know that I love you and keep your Team in my prayers. You have such a sweet spirit and I am continually encouraged and inspired by your faith in the Lord. I cannot wait to see what 2010 will bring for Team Babetz and for you!! HUGE ((HUGS))
I had a conversation with a dear friend not long ago--one of those who asks the hard questions and makes you take a look at your reality instead of your "pretend life"--and I admitted to her that I had been angry at God for almost this whole past year. All the while I was going the motions but couldn't understand why I was struggling so much in certain areas. Just admitting it lifted a weight off of my shoulders, and now I'm at least attempting to live my life in a way that's not so different from before, but that comes from a place of trust--I can trust God to take me in paths that are right for me and for my family and for the kingdom--even it if it isn't always the path that I would have chosen for myself.
Your post gave me goose bumps! What an encouragement- to seek grace instead of control. Thanks for sharing your heart with us!
((Hugs)) friend. I think all of us mamas are learning that to find joy we have to cede our imagined control over our lives in some area or another. You may still be learning grace, but you're already teaching it to those around you. Thanks, Steph.
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