Looking Back...

It's late Feb. again. My mind is floating back to 2 years ago. Dates flash on a calender and my mind is back in that hospital room as if traveling on a time machine. I wonder, will I always be this way this time of year. Or will the years to come dim my memory.

The feeling come back too. The loneliness, the concern, the relief, the fear, the guilt.

Guilt indeed. Guilt over many things.

Guilt over not being able to care for my existing children.

Guilt over watching my husband work all day only to come home at night and keep going to get the kids ready for the next day. All while being sick himself.

Guilt over being relieved that I could finally rest.

Guilt over not being happy about this baby in the very beginning.

You don't hear that much from woman. Infertility carries so much pain. How could I not be happy about another baby? But I'll tell you it was very real. In my heart I knew truth. God is the giver of life. We have a small part in it, but ultimately, it's all Him.

Yet my mind was still filled with the strange thoughts that come with a surprise baby. I was overwhelmed with 4...how could I add another to the mix. I remember our pastor preached a sermon on Mary and Martha right after I found out...I sat there praying and asking God how could I be more like Mary when He kept giving me more to do. And what if... what if this child is here to replace one we may loose. It was a paralyzing thought, but one my husband and I both had. An untrue thought. Truth be told God could still take one or more of our children away. Only He know the number of their days.

Then there was the dread of having to tell people. I didn't want people to know. I didn't want my friends or acquaintances, who struggle to have children, to find out. And having to listen to people's "funny" comments that weren't funny, just thoughtless. Even family could be so unkind. They sometimes expressed exactly what I was feeling, but because it came from them it made me defensive and protective of the sweet new life God had given us. Which then made me feel like I should be in a padded room somewhere.

Of coarse we warmed up to the idea eventually. It was never that I was ungrateful or angry, just uncertain of how it was going to all work out. And even through the uncertainty, we always wanted her. She was never unloved. She was ours. She was a gift to our family.

My years of having children are over...Lord willing. And looking back I learned a great many lessons. We ultimately have very little "control" over when or how we have our children. God allows us to think we do but honestly, He gives us what He wants us to have. What will grow us into the families He want us to be. Most times that family doesn't look anything like we thought it would. But that is the beauty of it... He knows us better than we know ourselves.

I cannot imagine my life without any one of my children. Each one has brought something different to our family. And just when I think I love them all I can...there's more.

I will always {until I see Him face to face and can ask} marvel at why God choose this for me.

But I'm thankful he did.

Humbled by the task.

Always making mistakes and learning.

Continually giving my very real fears to the Lord.

Occasionally looking back to remember.

But mostly looking ahead to what's next.

Sharing

Sharing...

It's a word I say more than once a day. If you have kids, live by kids, work with kids, know kids you've said it. But that one simple command can turn around and bite you in a second.

Here on Team Babetz we have to...HAVE TO share.

We all share rooms.

The boys...

The girls...

I get to share a room with the coach...

fringe benefits...

But then we have to share bathrooms too...

And with only a living room and no den...office...familyroom...we share living space too.

Then there are the toys, and bikes, and video games, and DS's and even clothes sometimes.

We share just about everything.

So when my 5 year old asked me for a life saver yesterday while we were at school, I don't know why it didn't occur to me that he might share one with his little sister.

He did...

And yes, she choked.

She's fine. When she started coughing and couldn't seem to get much air I gave her a good whack on her back and it came up...

Along with the juice and sandwich she just ate...

Oh and the smarties too.

Yes, I'm the kind of mom that brings food with me everywhere to keep my kids quiet and occupied.

And because she had a messy diaper before we left the house I, of coarse, did not have wipes...

Just several packs of Kleenex. Which did the trick, but not easily.

I was amazed at the calm that God gave me. And make no mistake...it was God given. The fact that my 5yr old isn't still hanging by his toes in the school work room is evidence of that.

But it really wasn't his fault. He was just doing a good dead.

He was sharing.

So... lessons learned from yesterdays adventure:

1. Take all the food out of my purse.
2. Tell my kids AGAIN not to feed the baby.
3. Just take wipes...they WILL be used for something.
4. Remind them that sharing is good for everything but food, toothbrushes, germs and underwear.
5. Oh and note to self... remember to Febreze the stroller... gross!!!

Winter Wonderland

We got some snow yesterday.

Somewhere in the neighborhood of 3-4 inches of fluffy white beautiful snow.

It was lovely.

We have a new albeit temporary member of the team.

Snowy

He's loved.

And for a few moments we moved from proverbial white trash to literal white trash.

But no worries the kids fort, made from old window screens and yucky camping chairs {which is strategically placed in a corner of the yard where it can be clearly seen from the street thankyouverymuch}will look it's old nasty self again when the snow melts.

And while this one is clearly not happy to see it go.

I am!

Because if you have a car port...deck...mud room...attached garage...etc... you should take a moment and BE THANKFUL.

As all manner of wet/snowy/muddy boots, gloves, hats, pants, socks, shoes, jackets have been left on my living room floor. *Sigh*

But it really did make for a fun, snow eating, hand freezing, hot cocoa drinking, snow ball fighting, snowman making, snot licking good time.

Valentines t-shirts

My girls wanted Valentines t-shirts this year, but I couldn't find any that I liked so...

We decided to make them.

We went to Hobby Lobby {my favorite store} and got little pink shirts and iron on thingies.

Yes, iron on thingies is their official name.
At first I wanted them all to match, cuz you know, it's all about me...

But they ended up picking what they wanted and I'm so glad they did because their little personalities really came out in what they choose.
And they love them, which is really the important part.

And I think we may have many more iron on thingies in our future. They work for us!

And for more fun WFMW tips head on over to We are THAT Family.

This Little Light of Mine, I'm Gonna Let it Shine

I know it's not Thanksgiving but this paper was just returned to my 4th grader today.

It makes me...

Thankful!

I will type it out too b/c it is a little hard to read...

{nothing was changed in the typing of the paper. Not even the incorrect spelling. A gift he gets from me.}

What I'm thankful for.

Every thanksgiving, I think of the things in my life. I feel great for all the things in my life. The three things I'm thankful for are God and Jesus, Dad and Mom and my brother and sisters.

This is the first thing I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for God and Jesus. They both love me. Jesus died for me and you. They are both ever lasting.

This is the second thing I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for Mom and Dad. They love me. They feed me. Sometimes they pay me.

This is the third thing I'm thankful for. I'm also thankful for my brother and sisters. They ceep me compony. They are fun to play with. They are really funny.

These are the things I'm thankful for. I'm glad for the things I have. What are you thankful for?

My children attend public school and this paper was hung on a bulletin board in the hall. I love to see them share their faith boldly.